Here's a thought. I made mention of it before in my notes on Strategic Procrastination. Over the years, I have found it an immensely helpful concept and have heard the same from clients and students. It's just an axiom: When people persist in a behavior that's plainly not working for them, there is practically always a "good" reason behind it...just not a good enough reason. Be on the lookout for this pattern to explore what that "good" reason is, because, armed with that insight, it frequently becomes clear what the real issue or conflict might be. And then you can modify behavior to effectively address that concealed real equation, rather than wasting time and effort on an apparent but false one.
A really simple illustration, and one that's neither too close to home nor unfamiliar, is the kid who constantly disrupts his math classroom. He's more or less well behaved in science and reading, but in math there's consistently a problem. You can address the disruption as misbehavior. You can scold him or put him in time out or whatever nonsense they're doing these days. Or, you can make the assumption I've suggested, and ask the obvious question: What's he hoping to get that compels him to ignore the consequences he consistently experiences? The frequent culprit with this one is that his math performance is low and he wants to short circuit any opportunity for that to be put on display. Every teacher knows this one.
A more complex example would that of a student who compulsively, at every opportunity, stole worthless items from her classmates and teacher. Everything was attempted to modify the behavior, but since she made no effort to conceal her stash of stolen pencils, erasers, toys, or candy, "catching" her in the act, and punishing her, was useless. Day after day, for weeks, this behavior continued, and multiple times a day. What was she thinking? Did she want to get caught? Of course she did, or else why would she make it so easy. So working with the assumption that she had a "good" reason for her ineffective behavior, and telling her so, made it easily evident that the stealing was a muffled cry for help.
She desperately wanted help; she needed it; but she didn't feel she could say so, and didn't know how. She wasn't a "bad" girl, as had been assumed; just an ordinary girl in a bad situation. This was addressed, and the stealing stopped cold that very day. People do this kind of thing all the time--they persist in ineffective behaviors which bring them grief. Why did a talented twenty-several year old young man of my acquaintance continue to sabotage every opportunity to move out and enjoy independence? Why did another refuse to make effective changes to his grooming and personal hygiene? Why did a third continue to walk away from significant achievements whenever he was on the verge of success?
Why do I (or you?) continue to knock our heads against a immovable wall, and baffle anyone watching? The equation I describe above isn't always the insight leading to an effective solution, but in the cases above it was, and in fact, it was the only useful insight. So be on the lookout for it. Use it to test any persistent, but ineffective behavior. As I said above, this is good news. Anytime we can identify a root cause for behavior, we can address it, rather than what only appears to be the problem. It isn't difficult, or anyway I don't find it so. Sometimes it may help to very sincerely ask a close friend to explore such an issue with you. And sometimes a professional can help. But try it yourself first. Good luck and happy hunting.